When I was 16 years old I was obsessed with 3 things: writing poetry, fishnet tights and red lipstick. I am sure there were many times where I was leaving the house and my mom was wondering what possessed me to wear the outfit that I had chosen for a regular day in highschool, nonetheless, she let me go. And I am grateful. 

I have written many times before that one of the times that I felt the most intune with myself was when I was 15-17 years old. She was feeling a lot and experiencing even more, but she gave herself permission to. I can see now how this is reflected not only in my writing, but in my clothing choices too.

Clothing to me has always been a form of self expression. I believe our style changes the same way that we do. In this phase of life I dress much differently than I did when I was 18. I can look back at pictures and see how the way I was dressed was reflecting how in tune I was with my own individuality at that stage of my life. It’s interesting to me to see the risks that I was comfortable enough to take, vs the periods of time where I wanted to fit into the crowd. 

In high school I went through a stage where I wore headbands around my head like a hippy and taped pictures of Bob Marley all over my room (which conveniently had a window that went out to the roof where I snuck out and…..nevermind). Anyways the hippy stage then transcended nicely into the semi goth stage. This was where the fishnet tights and combat boots came in. I was rebelling in the form of all black clothing and combat boots. And I love her. 

Then I was in a relationship for 3 years. A good, healthy relationship from the end of my senior year of high school to the very beginning of my junior year of college. I look back at this time of my life with love, but I also see how much I had lost my individuality. And although it was reflected in my clothing choices, it was also reflected in the risks I was willing to take and how much I was willing to trust myself in that time of my life. If you were to ask 21 year old G what her goals were, they were to get married and have a family. Although this is still in the plan somewhere down the line, the goals that I have now are completely for me. There is so much that I want to accomplish in my 20s that has nothing to do with creating a family, yet.

When I got out of the relationship I started to really experience college. And by college I mean drinking. I was going out with my friends Wednesday-Saturday and honestly was having a great time. I think of this time as my friends and I sharing one big brain. We wore each other’s clothes, lived together, were having the same experiences, and had constant communication. I don’t regret any of this, because now these are people who will all be in my wedding one day, but the individuality was still missing. I would wear giant sweatshirts and leggings during the day, and a tight bodysuit and jeans to go out. That was the uniform and we stuck to it. 

When the pandemic hit, I sold all of my clothes. Okay maybe not all of my clothes, but I sold at least half of my clothes to start over. I started to get more pieces that I felt like reflected my style that I had lost. I had all the time in the world now to think about the way that I wanted to carry myself, the image I wanted to send into the world, and figure out what I liked. Not my friends, not my boyfriends, me. I began to fall back in love with clothes because I realized that I could let this reflect me and who I was becoming. 

Being materialistic used to be such an insult to me. But then I realized that you can have and desire nice things without it being a bad thing. There is a difference between being fashionable and being stylish that I think people are missing. Being fashionable is just buying whatever is “in”. It is buying the newest designer just to show that you have designer. Whereas, being stylish is wearing what makes you feel good. Having style is having the confidence to wear what you want, regardless of what other people think. So when I think about my 16 year old self, wearing bright red lipstick and ripped fishnets tights, I smile. Because she wasn’t doing it to give a certain facade, she was doing it because she thought it was cool and that was all that mattered.

For me, my style and writing is how I express myself. For others, this expression could be through painting, music, or any other creative outlet. In any stage of my life, I can pinpoint when I was in tune with myself vs when I wasn’t by how much I was creating. Sometimes we forget all the ways in which we can analyze how connected we are with ourselves. So my advice is this- find what makes you feel good and do it unapologetically, all the time.