In my family, it’s a running joke that my dad and I struggle to let anything go. We’re creatures of habit, firmly set in our ways, and notoriously resistant to change. This started as early as my moms favorite example- the transition from my crib to a big girl bed when I was 3 years old. I resisted this change with everything I had, even though I was more than ready for it on a development level. I cried that I didn’t want to give up my crib and absolutely did not want this new bed. Then I got the new bed, and I was fine. 

I have felt this resistance to change follow me into my adulthood. I get overwhelmingly sad that some family traditions are changing. I feel so much pressure to hold onto friendships and relationships that are changing with age and circumstance. And don’t get me started on getting rid of anything sentimental. When I was home in October I was talking to my parents about change, relationships, friendships and my struggle with letting go. My mom suggested my next tattoo be “LET THAT SHIT GO.” Funny, but moral of the story, I am not great at letting things go. 

In this journey of living life slightly more detached, I decided to listen to Mel Robbins talk about her new book Let Them on the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast by Glennon Doyle. The point of the book is exactly what the title says- let them. Let the person walk out of your life, let people make their own mistakes and let yourself learn to release control of other people’s actions. It’s true—people will always do what they believe is best for themselves, or at least the best they can. It’s not our responsibility to constantly provide them with the “right” answers. If this is hard for you….me too. 

The next piece of the “let them” theory is embracing the “let me.” Robbins talks about the 3 things that are in our control: what you think next, what you do or don’t do, and how you process your emotions in the moment. We can let them make whatever decision they want, but we are in control of what happens next and how much other peoples actions or words affect us. Once again, releasing control and centering ourselves in controlling what we can; which I agree is easier said than done. But we are practicing! 

An important takeaway in this podcast is emotional maturity is a skill, not a developmental stage that everyone reaches. This was the first time I ever thought about it like this. Basically, Doyle and Robbins made a comparison of everyone being an 8 year old in an adult body. Not sure of what to do next, how to handle rejection or denial, or process emotions effectively. When you think of being able to practice this theory as a skill to be gained rather than a hereditary fate, it is reassuring. I will not be scared of the big girl bed forever. 

I used to think it was hard to know when to let go and when to fight for something, but the answer is actually simple: you can only do so much. Speak your truth, give your best effort, control your reactions, and trust that what’s meant for you will always find its way to you. Peace is found in letting go of the things you were never meant to control.