Last night I was sitting on my couch watching The Holiday, while simultaneously watching TikTok and all of a sudden something in my head screamed “IT’S SO LOUD.” I turned off the little screen and looked at the big screen, which was at normal volume. I realized that the overwhelming noise was that of watching other people’s lives rather than being quiet in my own. 

It’s so easy to do. In fact, I have a whole blog on here called “The Whispers Before the Screams” all about my brain finally screaming at me to get off my phone and taking a month off of social media. Deja Vu. 

My daily social media experience goes something like this- I get on TikTok and see the war in Palestine, children dying, a school shooting- I feel an undeniable and overwhelming sadness. Scroll. I hear a girl’s voice, “This is what I eat in a day to maintain my body.” I watch her perfectly curated meals and snacks that match her perfectly toned body. Scroll. Next, a couple, in love- celebrating the holidays together and opening presents. Scroll. The absolute prettiest woman I have ever seen in my life, doing her makeup. SCROLL. A makeup product, a shirt, an outfit that I now suddenly NEED. Scroll. One singular funny video that makes me feel semi good. “Was it worth it?” 

It’s so hard to feel real sadness for the world or yourself, when it’s so easy to scroll and move onto the next thing. It’s numbing and exhausting at the same time. But it is also SO LOUD. The constant noise around us that is telling us how to look, think, dress or act. There are times where the validation feels good, but more so it feels like a constant comparison. So why can’t we get off it? In my blog post “The Whispers Before the Screams” I wrote: 

“I don’t think this generation talks enough about the numbness of social media and the actual addiction-like effects that it has on our brains. Every time we press that refresh button we are getting instant gratification that is releasing the same hormones that are released when we eat, have sex, spend time in the sun, hug, or do anything else rewarding. Additionally this hormone, dopamine, is released when we do drugs. As a human, we are always looking for the quickest way to feel good; or in other terms, release dopamine into our brains. Now that we have the power in a screen that is attached to our hand, it is no wonder we spend hours a day going from app to app to quickly feel good. But the key word is quickly, and things that are easily accessible are usually the things that leave. So there goes the fleeting feeling, and you’re right back on your phone refreshing the same page 10 minutes later.” 

I understand and know this to be true but continue with my drug of choice years later. I saw someone (on TikTok lol) say that living alone is like having a magnifying glass on your emotions constantly. Numbing our brains can feel like an escape, but lately, I’ve felt a pull to channel and confront the emotions I’m afraid of magnifying. So if you have been feeling this way also I encourage you to take January off social media just to see what happens. I decided that I would rather curate all my own dopamine rather than watching other peoples. Because why not?

link to “The Whispers Before the Screams” -https://wordswithgracen.com/2022/02/13/the-whispers-before-the-screams/