It’s weird to love something and abandon it at the same time. Maybe that’s a little too dark for my first post in who knows how long- but it feels true. Sharing my words has always felt special to me, however there is something really scary about sharing the insides of your brain.

Recently my blog expired, and someone that I love a lot told me …”your website is cooked.” To which I thought, “what website??” Oh you mean the one where I write on the internet and hope that someone reads it. At least there is one person who still searches up this little corner of the internet to tell me its expired, as I continued to ignore the emails telling me the same thing. Sometimes it takes someone you love telling you to pick your dreams back up that makes it feel worth it.

Well it is back. And I suppose I am, too.

There are posts on here from when I was at my very lowest giving advice. There are posts from the time where George Floyd was murdered and I felt, as a white woman, what can I possibly do about this? There is a post about my grandpa who died unexpectedly only to help to me find God. There is a post about “dating myself” where I talked about how I would attract my future partner. All of it feels true and real and raw. I think that maybe that’s part of the problem with sharing my inner thoughts that makes me feel naked- perception.

I go back and read these posts and feel as if I knew all the answers. I practiced my habits and then told the world them in hopes of securing them a concrete spot in my life. But life is a constant state of ebbs and flows and, to be honest, I haven’t quite figured out how to constantly mimic my best days, but I suppose that’s called being a human. The perception to the outside world that I might not hold all the answers forced me to keep my words in a journal safely locked in my room.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have realized that showing up to the things that you love feels good. Regardless of having all the answers or not. So I am here, and I’m glad you are too. xx.