I recently finished a book called “Everything I know about Love” and it inspired me to ask my friends about their 20s. Being a 20something is weird, motivating, happy, sad, confusing, and everything in between. I have learned that one thing that makes navigating my 20s easier is finding my people. Without further ado I present to you (drum roll) words from my people about their 20s:

1. As an adult, you have to define purpose for yourself. For me that means being happy. Now I’m just trying to figure out what does that for me. 
2. Comparison is the thief of joy. Try to avoid comparing where you are at in your career, relationships, etc. to others just because they are the same age as you. Everyone wants something different for their life. 
3. All of the rules we’re taught are fake!!! Taking risks is the only way you’ll learn. You can do anything with confidence. Taking time to do nothing is actually productive for yourself mentally, physically + emotionally. Have a strong foundation within and the rest will follow. Having friends who can hold intellectual conversations amongst opinions is a blessing. Having a deep understanding of who you were as a child is key to who you are now.
4. 20’s- Fun, exciting, depressing but fun. A time frame where excuses are based upon your age. Where growth is more of a mental barrier than a physical one. Where the race to nowhere is upon us all. But also a realization you run your own race at your own pace. Just don’t let time win.
5. Platonic relationships are just as important if not more important than romantic relationships at this point in time. You have to get incredibly uncomfortable with yourself and spend a lot of time alone to figure out who you are at your core. Go have fun. Smile a lot, laugh a lot, BE NICE. We are literally only getting older. We should do exactly what we want to do, when we want to. 
6. Slow down. Take a breath. Be present. Nothing about life makes any sense so instead of worrying about the future and attempting to control things, just remind yourself that even though it may feel like you need to have everything figured out right now, this is all still a work in progress. You can’t grow if you don’t change, and you can’t change if you don’t step outside of your comfort zone from time to time. So, be spontaneous. Say yes to things that might scare you a little bit. Tell that person how you truly feel. And make sure to appreciate the little things and the people around you along the way. You are what you repeatedly do. Don’t be the version of yourself that will look back and say “what if?”
7. Be okay with people not knowing your side of the story. You know it and that’s good enough.
8. My 20s. They’re halfway over, and even though I try, I still feel like I’m not really living them.
9. You are often your worst critic. Give yourself the same grace and kindness you would give others. When facing conflict and hardships, take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. It will change the way you respond. People remember the way you make them feel. Kindness is always important no matter the circumstances. No one has it figured out, so give yourself a break.
10. I think every year of my twenties has taught me a lesson. 20- To leave the people, relationships, jobs, majors, etc. that no longer serve you. Some things just aren’t what they seem to be and that’s okay. 21- Now that I can look back on that time of my life, I wish I could’ve told myself that validation from men doesn’t matter. We’re taught to always have the male gaze in mind and I wish I would’ve learned to say fuck the male gaze way earlier. 22 & 23- Developing healthy habits that work FOR YOU is so beneficial to your mental health. Learning what YOU like is so important. Making yourself the main character is SOOOO important. Exercising, reading, gardening, journaling, cooking classes, painting classes, DO ALL OF IT. Pour that energy into yourself. 24- I’m practicing patience. With myself, with others, with the trajectory of my life, etc. I also learned that life is so incredibly short and you have to tell the people you love how much you love them before it’s too late. Losing a parent is the worst heart ache I have ever felt in my life. I still cry 2-3 times a week when I think about losing my dad 8 months ago. I wish I would’ve spent more time with him and told him how much I loved him. It’ll be the biggest regret of my life and I would never wish that feeling upon anyone. 
11. I’ve learned that your career doesn’t have to define you and that your priorities can be whatever you want them to be whether it’s friendship or self improvement or just living the life you want to live outside of work and finding the balance that makes you happy.
12. Give yourself grace and time to: Find your passion. Learn to love yourself. Learn to say no. Value time with family, open your heart to love. And everyday, make the effort to nurture your mind, body & soul.
13. Here’s a few – Trust your gut- Go to therapy– It’s okay to say no- Get a gym routine- be a good family member or friend. Simple as a phone call being interested in the person on the other end- Get a passport- Go do whatever you’re interested in. Go alone if necessary – Say a few nice things about yourself to yourself daily
14. When did casual sex lose its appeal? 
15. I’ve learned how important family is and how important it is to spend as much time as possible with them while they’re here. That they sacrificed so much for us growing up and I hope to be able to repay them someday in some way. I also have learned how important it is to make time for the friendships that you hold close to your heart. As we get older-  distance gets in the way, career, just life in general, you have to make the effort with the people you love that you want in your life.
16. Navigating through your twenties is a terrifying and challenging experience, yet an exhilarating and beautiful journey. You will fall down, you will struggle, you will have moments of loneliness, and loss. You will also have success, happiness, great memories of joy, and may find love. You may lose friends, and make them. You may grow closer to family, or drift apart. Regardless of these factors make a conscious effort of diligence to understand that, what is destined for you will always find its way to you. Your way of thinking, your mind controls your outcome in life.
17. I’ve learned the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing my own well-being. I realized that taking care of myself is essential for personal growth and happiness. 
18. My philosophy was the fact that this is the one time where we could do whatever we want with no long term consequences (within reason obvi) so now’s the time to act on impulse. Like go on vacays and waste your money, you’ll make it all back, those impulsive decisions give you great mems and give you the opportunity to learn and grow. My 20s is not a coming of age film it was a campy, chaotic comedy with a 33% on rotten tomatoes 
19. One thing I’ve learned in my 20’s is that about 95% of people you encounter are completely full of shit and making things up as they go. Nobody actually has any clue what they’re doing – They just generate ideas and throw money at them. Nobody actually has any clue what they’re saying – anybody can start a podcast and think they’re the next Howard Stern or Barbara Walters. The more I realize this, the more i start to use it to my advantage. Force people’s hands in this world and challenge them, don’t just accept blanket statements. Because we are all idiots and have no real clue about anything. 
20. I learned that it’s okay to not be IN love with someone in my 20’s, but that it’s important to be surrounded BY love. It takes a village to make us feel safe, healthy & loved from the day we’re born, so it’s important we maintain a village as we grow. The feeling of being loved shouldn’t only come from a partner! We have to cherish the love we receive from our friends the same way we cherish love we receive in relationships. Honorable mention: No man who is not ready to commit is good enough to stress over, like ever. Seriously, take a walk baby. & take a break from men, learn some things about yourself. It’ll give you confidence one could never buy!! I could also write a book on why I believe dealing with men in our 20’s is detrimental to our physical, mental & spiritual health, but another day Gracey Pooh… another day. 
21. You know less than you think you do in your 20s. The more you learn, the less you feel like you know anything at all. And that can be scary and destabilizing at first, but you have to embrace it. The sooner you learn to embrace the not knowing the less control your ego will have over you.
22. A red flag is a red flag.
23. All this pain in my heart weights heavy on my chest. And the smoke makes rings I could never buy with checks.
24. Enjoy today and prepare for tomorrow. Life is unforgiving in the sense that regardless of what decision you make you’ll always have regrets. You’ll always wonder what if I did this or what if I did that, so my advice is always do the more fun option as long as it doesn’t steer you from your main goal. You’re going to be wrong a lot but that’s okay because you’ll learn from it. Don’t be reckless, but don’t be too safe. The things you enjoy today are not for you, but for your future self to look back on and know that you lived.
25. My twenties have taught me that amazing things and devastating things happen to everyone. The 20somethings constantly remind me that change is inevitable and to embrace every moment of these transformative years. And have fucking fun while you do it.
26. It’s not selfish to expect the same energy and effort that you give to romantic and platonic relationships. If you’re not doing things that push you out of your comfort zone then you’re not growing and learning about who you are as an individual. Lastly, never turn down an opportunity for travel to a new place to experience new cultures and make new connections with people you never thought you would meet. You often learn more about life when you open yours.
27. I’m coming up on 25 and I think the most important thing I’ve learned in my 20s is to try and fall in love with as many things as I can. I noticed in the last few years that I’m not as emotional or thoughtful about moments or mundane things as I used to be. Which isnt a bad thing. Life gets more serious and the small stuff takes up less head space, but I do miss feeling passionate about everything I encountered. I don’t think that part of me is gone, but I think it’s helpful reminding myself that crying at a movie, or thinking a night out with friends was the best night of my life, is just as valuable and important as anything else.
28. My 20s are going quite literally the opposite of how I planned them in my younger years. I was never somebody to want to get married or have kids, I planned on solely being a career woman and making it as far as possible in my work. Since leaving college, I feel as if I value my genuine female friendships more than anything and I also want to create a legacy by starting a family to almost establish a built in best friend with someone who also wants the best for me. Things can slip out of your hands 10x faster than you acquired them; whether it be jobs, love, friendships, you name it. And doing the best you can with what your current life can provide is the only way to go about things. It’s great to want more but sometimes being happy in the current moment is everything.