I think that apologizing when you’re wrong is important. I think that apologizing when society tells you you’re wrong is not. 

The other night I watched the Pamela Anderson movie in awe. Pamela Anderson had an unsolicited sex tape released of her, she was married 6 times, she was constantly asked about her body in interviews, and she was in abusive relationships, but when she talked about herself and her past, she was unapologetic. Because it was hers. Pamela did her whole documentary with no makeup. She confidently owned up to her boob job in the 90s when plastic surgery wasn’t admitted to. She vulnerably opened up time and time again because she believed in love. And she never once looked outside of herself and said sorry. We don’t get to choose the hand that we are dealt, but we do get to own it, stand on it, and be brave enough to not apologize for it. 

Society has the reputation to put women in boxes. There are so many studies that research the language that women use vs men. The fillers that we are compelled to put into our sentences to not sound too certain, too demanding or too confident. I mean, shit, I started this blog with “I THINK.” Not to mention how small we are molded to make ourselves in public areas. Women are programmed to apologize. 

There are times where society has even programmed us to apologize for the things that make us good. Love is hard in this generation. Being a human who loves hard is even harder. There is so much content that is influencing us to become cold and closed off. To not trust, to not love and to not be vulnerable. And I know that personally, I continue to build these walls. But I think that what we don’t realize is that not giving ourselves the chance to open up to others is restricting us from the pieces of ourselves that relationships honor. If you are someone who loves others easily, but is constantly keeping your guard up to love, you are betraying that piece of yourself that is good. You are apologizing for a quality that is pure and true because society told you to. 

On the contrary, I am not sorry for putting myself and my career over love. There have been times where I have had to step away from connections that were holding me back from being my most authentic self or from reaching my goals. This is a balance I am also working on. Choosing others vs choosing myself. I have found that we know when something is right. We can feel it in every atom of our body, and when something is wrong it is the same. We can no longer apologize for the answers that we know.

Additionally, society wants us to apologize for not being accessible all the time to others. For not responding in minutes to texts or calls. For not taking pictures or videos of interesting things that we are doing. And even for not always looking our best. The authenticity of life is hidden behind a mask of perfection to reflect the ideals of a world that is not real. Stop apologizing for being real.

I have found in the past 3-4 years I have attracted very unapologetic humans in my life. Whether it’s the men I date, or the friends I have made, they all have had a quality that stays true and protective of their dreams. I have learned to say “thank you for waiting for me,” instead of “I’m sorry I was late.” I have learned to stop apologizing for the way that something made me feel. I have learned to care less about confrontation and more about standing up for myself. I am working to change the reflex of apologizing when I am not sorry.