Rejection and I didn’t get to know each other very well until after I graduated college. This sounds silly because obviously it wasn’t like I was never rejected from anything because I was. But I was privileged enough to get a lot of what I wanted to the point where I developed a large misconception. And that was——-it would always be this way. 

I had no idea what I wanted to do after college. Hell, I had no idea what I wanted to do while in college either. I knew that I liked to write, I knew that I wanted to make a difference, and I knew that I wanted to have free time to be able to do what I wanted. At 18, no one knows what they actually want to do. And fun fact, it’s not that much different at 24. 

For those of you that don’t know, in college I studied Social Relations and Policy at James Madison College at Michigan State. This was one of those things I had not really aspired to do, but had luckily been thrown into and ended up really enjoying. I learned a lot of life lessons in this college that I practice now in everyday life, and I’m GRATEFUL for the education that I received. But do I feel as if this education paved a direct career path that would set me up with lifelong plans? Not exactly. But, as I’ve said before, I’m not much of a planner. So this was fitting. 

After college was the pandemic which gave everyone permission to put their perfectly paved paths on pause anyways. Which felt like a sigh of relief considering I wasn’t exactly ready to be thrown into the “real world.” I remember spending days during the pandemic applying to jobs that I felt I was super qualified for but had no interest in. I also remember applying to jobs that I had a lot of interest in but didn’t feel qualified for. I got rejected from both. 

Then I moved to Arizona where, at first, I thought that I would start a career there. Then none of those worked out either. My perception of my resume was that I was coming from a prestigious college at Michigan State with two interesting internships under my belt and strong work ethic. Why did no one want to hire me? 

Now that I have worked in recruiting for almost a year I can probably answer that with——I had no idea how to interview. If I wasn’t that interested in a job, I wouldn’t fake it. Which looking back, probably saved me from jobs that weren’t my dream. But it simultaneously kept me from getting the job. Which brought me back to getting rejected, and now here we are. 

After another rejection and another day spent feeling sorry for myself, I was complaining to someone about how hard it was to find a “real” job. I vividly remember them asking me if it was my dream job. To which I replied, “no.” They then said, “it was never your dream so that’s okay.” 

When we step back and look at the things that we put on a pedestal they are the aspects that we believe will add status, love, or wealth to our lives. We come to think that relationships, jobs, and money are how we will finally be happy and content. That once we have this one thing or reach this one goal THEN we will have it all. But then you get the job (or don’t) and it’s always onto the next thing. 

Now back to rejection. For so long I would hold rejection hostage without letting anyone outside of my people know what I was feeling. I thought that if anyone knew that the job hunt for me was hard then I would lose the aspect that made it look easy. But the things that I have done that were easy aren’t the things that I am the most proud of. When we get rejected from a job, a relationship, or anything else we feel like our world is crashing in and like we suddenly need to change to fit that mold that would have been accepted. My advice is don’t. Be better to be better but be better to get your dream job not the job others believe that you should have. The goal is to trust yourself so much that you know rejection is just adding space for something better. 

I think we more often need to feel the rejection and then ask ourselves if this was our actual dream. Was this our dream job? Was this our dream relationship? And, most importantly, was this making me into my dream self? More times than not, the answer is no. The job was something you were only mildly interested in and the potential of the relationship was probably much better than the actual relationship. But other times the answer is yes, and in that case feel sad for your future self that will have a different experience. But take a step back and remind yourself that the things that are ours don’t miss us. 

In order to get to our dreams we need to also take stepping stone opportunities. An example could be a job that you like, with great benefits that allows you a good work/life balance to still pursue passion projects. Or serving and bartending at night and doing things you enjoy during the day. Contrary to the grinding mindset, you’re allowed to equally enjoy stepping stone opportunities that aren’t exactly your dream. It’s important for these dreams to not get lost, but it’s equally as important to love the process. Nothing has to be forever.

It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking that our dreams need to happen right now. And trust me, as a very less than patient person, I understand. But as long as you are making consistent efforts towards your dreams and not letting rejection stand in your way, you are on your paven path. If an opportunity misses you, but this opportunity was never your dream then make room for something bigger.