The over capping theme from what I’ve learned the past year or so is that you are your own biggest fan. You are who you need to consult first. Your answers are already inside of you. Here is a list of things that have helped me know myself more and that I am practicing: 

“They can steal your recipe but the sauce won’t taste the same”

1. Figure out what your body is telling you. I have realized that when I’m feeling a lot of emotions or anxiety I feel them through my body. I have touched before on how my anxiety came through my heartbeat and my body but there is a lot that could trigger a fast beating heart. How much caffeine have you drank? How much sleep have you gotten? Has your diet changed? Consult your body first and then let the rest sink in. It’s okay to be anxious and have anxiety but listening to your body first can help you compartmentalize your mind vs your body. An example of this is that my friend texted me the other day and said she woke up so anxious and that hasn’t happened in so long. I asked her if she ate anything new, had caffeine or took any new supplements/vitamins. She realized that she ate coffee flavored ice cream before bed. This realization allowed her to separate her bodily anxious feelings and not let it filter into anxious thoughts. 
2. Consult yourself first. This one has been BIG for me. I think there have been times where I have let people into my space or granted people access to me that I later realize didn’t deserve it or that I wasn’t ready for. Things can feel good in the moment and then after you have feelings of why did I do that? Why did I tell them that? Why did I ignore myself to make someone else comfortable? Etc. Consult yourself first. Make sure that your head, heart and body are all aligned before granting people access to you in any capacity. Access can be as simple as telling someone something personal to texting them to hanging out with them one on one. Remember that your body is constantly giving you the right answer, and butterflies aren’t always a good sign. Some questions I have asked myself are: 1. Do I have to change myself in any capacity to feel accepted by this person? 2. Am I comfortable being alone with this person? 3. Am I ignoring any warning signs from my body/intuition? Access can be granted at different levels and it’s important to ask yourself the level YOU are at. 
3. Don’t pick up the phone….yet. We have all had those times where we were in an argument with someone and we have instantly picked up our phone to rant about someone or something. It feels good in the moment and usually the person that you choose to call is someone that is going to amplify all of the feelings that you already have and agree with your perspective. It adds fuel to the fire essentially. The thing that I’ve realized is that when I am actually hurt or going through something I am looking for something in the phone calls, some sort of validation that is going to make the hurt go away. AND IT NEVER DOES. The thing about picking up the phone is that as soon as the call has ended YOU are the one still stuck with the feelings, the other person can go about their day casually. I have found it’s important to be still with yourself for a few hours at least and sort out your feelings and then pick up the phone after you know how YOU feel. Consult yourself before consulting others. This also goes for social media. It’s easy to feel feelings and want a quick and easy distraction. I encourage you to not.
4. Be still with yourself. I have been putting my phone across the room from 7-9pm every night to be still with myself. What I mean by this is that I take a break looking or hearing about other people’s lives and spend some time in mine. During this time I like to cook dinner, read my book, write in my journal and meditate. It has made me feel more available to myself and less available to others. 
5. Train your brain to give less fucks. I used to give a lot of fucks. Like crying, sliding down the wall, throwing up fucks. Now that I have survived and grown, I have realized that the only thing I can control is myself. In shifting my focus away from getting other people to like me, influencing people to stay or getting invested in anyone elses life, I have adopted a new mindset. I care A LOT less about what anyone else is doing because I have become really selfish. If someone makes a bad decision or a decision I don’t agree with, my first thought is: “does this affect me?” If the answer is no, then I really don’t give a fuck (for lack of better words). And this doesn’t mean that I don’t care, despite how it sounds, it more so means that I give people the room to make their own decisions without it affecting my mood and life too personally. It’s important to realize that a lot of other people are also only thinking about themselves. This makes it easier to take things a lot less personally. 
6. Say that thing you were thinking about that stranger to them. I was sitting next to a mom of twins at a coffee shop when I still lived in Arizona. Her patience, kindness and maturity she had while talking to her kids (who were definitely a handful) was really, really admirable to me. I thought multiple times “she’s such a good mom.” And then she suddenly got up and left. I felt so sad that I didn’t tell her after thinking about it multiple times and decided I would start saying nice things to strangers. Tell someone on the street you like their shoes, tell people they’re doing a good job, tell people what you’re thinking even if you don’t know them. I have ALWAYS felt good after a stranger told me something nice. 
7. Set boundaries with everything. I have gotten a lot better at this. Boundaries come when you know what you want. Knowing what you want comes from knowing yourself. Figuring out who you are allows you to decide what you will or will not accept. Start there. 
8. Quit forcing friendships with people you have nothing in common with. Self explanatory. Especially if this person is sitting at a lower vibration than you, forcing a friendship with them and being around them will ONLY bring you down. 
9. Be conscious of the things you feel the need to over explain. I have had moments of listening to people (and myself vent) and have noticed over-explaining. Most of the time, over-explaining is going into detail about people’s excuses for their behavior. “But he said blah blah blah and so that’s why he did this really really hurtful thing and it makes SENSE because blah blah blah.” The truth of the matter is that you want other people to think that it’s okay that someone did something really hurtful and that they’re not a bad person. And that’s okay. BUT the reality is that the things that we are over-explaining are the things that we are trying to convince ourselves of.  A lot of the time we really want to believe people’s words but when their words are contradicting and don’t match their actions we pick and choose which pieces to take with us and make up the rest with over-explaining and assumptions. I am practicing taking things and people for exactly what they are and what their actions show me. 
10. Change your mindset about working out. The second that you start working out because it feels good rather than you want to look good is the second it will become a routine. Go to the gym for the endorphins gain. 
11. Give yourself permission for things to work out. My mom said to me yesterday “it’s crazy to think about you 6 months ago to where you are now.” I replied “yeah it all happened the second I gave myself permission for things to work out.” I had never really thought about it like that but it’s true. The second I decided to make shit happen for myself was the second that it did. It’s important to let go of ideas that you have in your head to give space for new ideas. It’s okay for things to work out differently than you originally thought. Give yourself permission to have a great life, give yourself permission to be happy and have a great day, give yourself permission to welcome in the new blessings that are coming. You are worthy of them.
12. They can steal your recipe but the sauce won’t taste the same. (In the words of KIM K.) What I bring to the table will always be different than what someone else will bring to the table. Take pride in knowing that you are you and that is different and more unique than the next. I am confident not because I think I look good, but because I know that what I bring to the table is original and authentic. My superpower is being me and that’s why I’m going to keep getting better. As soon as you adapt this mindset you fall more into your power.