It is no secret that the political climate of our country is extremely polarized. Many people are either democrat or republican and no matter your heart, villainized by the other side. We become so firm in our beliefs that, at times, it is not easy to hear, see or understand the other side. I have also been guilty of this. After studying Social Relations and Policy at James Madison for 4 years and studying topics of citizenship, mass incarceration, police brutality and public health, I was able to analyze how different policy affects topics that I am passionate about. This policy is much more left leaning and influences me voting for the Democratic party. Along with my beliefs, I have realized that I surround myself with friends who have these same beliefs. I tend to mute people on Facebook with opposite viewpoints (because I do not mind confrontation and saying my opinion, when maybe it is not necessary). This is where I have gone wrong. 

I was recently asked to sit down and have a conversation about politics with someone who has differing views from me. I agreed but was apprehensive considering the political climate of our country right now. I was not afraid of confrontational conversation, but I was more worried about what emotions it would bring up on my end. I have always said that I am not a political person, but rather a people person. I genuinely care so much about people obtaining the correct justice from our systems and seeing that not happen makes me angry. It becomes hard for me to understand how people can not see things the same way that I am seeing them. Why aren’t they as angry as I am? 

My freshman year of college we read a book called Strangers in their own Land by Arlie Hochschild. This is a book that I always have to come back to because of one term. Hochschild references an “empathy wall.” An empathy wall can be defined as “an obstacle to the deep understanding of another person, one that can make us feel indifferent or even hostile to those who hold different beliefs or whose childhood is rooted in different circumstances.” So in order to get over this empathy wall, we must have an understanding of the other person’s background that influenced their beliefs to be what they are. And in order to do this we must listen to understand, rather than listen to respond. 

Those who know me know that I can be confrontational and have strong opinions on many things. I have a lot to say and I rarely back down from saying what is on my mind. But in order to have a progressive conversation with opposing views, we must listen to understand. It is so easy when someone else is talking to hear what they are saying without actually listening. Meaning, that while they are talking, in your own head you are going through and thinking of everything that you are going to say back. How can you “win” the argument. The older that I have gotten, I have realized that this is how you actually lose. When we don’t take the time to try and understand the person and instead want to be heard, we have already lost. It is so important to hear what the other person is saying to try and bridge the gap of differences. 

I started our conversation by saying that I am not a political person but rather I am very passionate about human rights. I want black people to stop being killed by the police, I want Mexican people at the border out of cages, I want LGBTQ people to not have their rights taken and I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do with my body. All of these issues are systematically driven by policy. Policy that, in turn, makes me have to care about politics. But these issues are also so deep rooted in oppressive systematic inequalities that will not just disappear if Biden is elected. But to me, I see a higher chance of progressive change than with Trump as president. And I will wholeheartedly stand by this. 

I really liked his points about the media. About how it shows us a lot of ads/articles and people who align with our views and ways of thinking. How these can influence and solidify exactly what we already believe, without showing the whole story. I already said how I am guilty of this. I listen to news sources that share my views and surround myself with people who also share these views. We talked about how this can become dangerous and make for a more polarized community. I agreed with this, and realized the importance of talking to people who might not think exactly how I do. This will allow me to be more empathetic and better educate others. 

I realized that I will waver my views on the media for some things, but not for a body cam video of a black man being shot by police. There are so many angles that could be taken to justify acts going on in this country. “We can’t see the whole story,” “How do we know the whole truth,” “they have a violent background.” But despite these angles, I will always choose the angle of if that was a man that I loved. I would want everyone to flood the streets, be angry and never stop talking about it. So here is where I needed him to listen to understand. Because, does the media twist things? Absolutely. But for me personally, I would rather stand on the side of obtaining justice than questioning if it wasn’t the exact truth. 

Going to Michigan State I was able to see and learn about my privilege. I read countless books on these issues and gained my passion from facts, and not Facebook. But I learned the most from the people that I interacted with. I was surrounded by diverse friends, professors and literature. As much as I appreciate the books and the articles, my most important knowledge came from listening to the views and experiences of others. Which is why I believe these conversations to be SO important. I appreciate him showing me a different reality and that I need more of these conversations. Because I truly think that we both learned something and were able to educate each other on our views of the world. 

I have realized that the best way to get across information is to be kind and to listen. If you want someone to listen to you then you must also listen to them. Listening to understand is the only way to get over the empathy wall and to come together to make a change. Another thing that I realized in this conversation is that we all want change. No one wants our country to be divided and to not hear one another. No one wants to have families ripped apart or people to die on the streets. We all want peace for each other and the only way to obtain this is to give love. Because those who act out of love, never lose.