I don’t have all the answers. In fact, a majority of things that I write about have to do with knowing that I know nothing. I always found it weird how the older I got, the more I realized that adults actually have no idea what they’re doing. Yes, there are the people who have their lives perfectly planned out. Who wake up in the morning and do EXACTLY what their to-do list says, and then eat perfectly healthy and make sure to post on facebook about it. I will probably never be this person. But I see that we all do a lot of pretending and this pretending convinces kids that all adults, in fact, have their shit together. False. For a long time this BLEW MY MIND and I am still hardly an adult. But I think the moment that you realize that no matter the age, everyone is still figuring it out, life gets slightly more comforting. 

I have written myself a letter on my birthday since I was 16. When I first started this I thought that it would be cool to see how I have grown throughout the years and it really is. The first two letters I wrote about boys and then my grandpa dying and then I started to give myself advice in the letters. Obviously I was feeling like it was potentially needed. It has now become one of the things that I most look forward to on my birthday. Because whether I am talking about the boy who broke my heart when I was 16 or graduating college during a pandemic, there is so much growth that is stored in those words. This is something that I will probably continue for the rest of my life. 

Growth is a challenging subject when you think about it day by day. It is so easy to feel like you have progressed in something and then face a setback that makes you rethink IT ALL. Our generation romanticizes toxic relationships and behaviors. And makes it extremely easy to get into with social media and constant communication. I have had a lot of people say that they want advice on these things and I will be the first to say that I am still figuring this out. But if there is one thing that I have learned it is to find your worth and stand on it. Because as soon as people see you on the same pedestal that you see yourself on they will all come around to watch. Whether they are there to help hold you up though will always be in question. So keep your intentions pure and do things with love and you will never lose. 

I wrote somewhere once “think about your future self and let her grow first.” This is one line that has always stuck with me, because even though it is referencing the future, it starts right now. In order to think about your future self you have to make choices now that will allow her to grow in a way that will benefit yourself later. Although I think that this is relevant to relationships, I also think that this is relevant to every goal or aspiration that you could be pursuing. It is so important to constantly be thinking about your future self because sometimes things that bring temporary happiness do not reflect your long term goals.

I want to start by saying that growth from toxic habits and people is not linear. This has been really important for me to remember. I would preach and preach and PREACH that I was done with something and then I would find myself being sucked back in (usually by tequila). Then I would be so down on myself for the next couple of days. I realized that I was not filtering back into these habits by mistake but rather by choice. I think that this is the first realization that needs to be made in order to begin to grow.

My friend today texted me “I think I would be a lot happier if I would say no more often.” I think that she picked me to say this because I am now the queen of saying no.  But it didn’t always used to be this way. I used to do whatever people wanted me to, in hopes that they would be happy enough to stay. I would let people talk to me how they wanted, stay out later than I wanted and even talk me into doing things that I really didn’t want to. It sounds sad now that I’m actually thinking about it but it’s so COMMON. And I think that when you are a true empath you think about others feelings more than your own, but I want to remind you that doing what you want is not selfish. Everything that we put our energy into is a conscious choice. We get to choose who has access to us, who is worthy of our time and what things make us feel good. 

I became so selective with where I put my energy and who I put this energy into. The block button became my best friend and I also came up with the one chance rule. The one chance rule is exactly what it sounds like. I would have my standards set high and if I felt like they were not being met then you have one chance, one conversation. And after that my energy will go elsewhere. Maybe this sounds harsh but honestly one chance could even be too much. And once you know your worth then putting this energy into someone not meeting your standards is a waste of time. This practice is only intimidating to people who are not as confident as you. BUT it is important again to note that this took a lot of growth and I wasted a lot of time with people who weren’t for me. But I learned. 

Growth is not linear. It is so easy to have days where I feel sad, like I’m not meeting my own standards or wasting my own time. But I am thankful to see things through my own eyes now. To hear what God is saying to me through other people’s actions and to see myself the way He does. I promise that continuing to analyze yourself, choices, and actions will filter out the things that are not for you. Any growth is good growth.